Whew! These past few weeks have been insane for this country. I often ask people how can we be so sure we aren’t already in hell, but that’s another post for another day. Needless to say, it has been one catastrophe after the other and nothing is really getting done about it. Thinking about life in general, it is clear that we really have little control over many things, even the most minute, yet there are so many control freaks on this earth. Our days are, in essence, planned for us. We just wake up and live our days as best as we know how. With this, can come peace of mind for some, while for others, it is another opportunity to create chaos.
Our days are, in essence, planned for us…
These days I want nothing more than peace. Still dealing with some post traumatic stress, all I want is calmness. I meditate often; I take care of my hair, skin, and body, and I talk to myself frequently. After all, I am my best company. I have grown to love my personal time. So much so, it’s hard to get me to leave my home. I have cultivated a space of serenity that no one can infiltrate. I am very cautious of who I talk to, what I do, and how I react to different curve balls that get thrown at me. I probably irritate people with my “Oh oks” and “that sucks”, but I have learned this is the quickest way to get people to see that I don’t care…Let me backtrack because I don’t want to be called the cold-hearted, careless, heart breaker that I’ve been called before. I’ll further explain what I mean. Some people clearly bring chaos into their own lives and at a certain point, I get drained with it. And once my peace is disturbed, I get real transparent. So as to avoid unnecessary conflict, I have learned “oh ok” will stop someone in their tracks (most of the time).
I am very cautious of who I talk to, what I do, and how I react to different curve balls that are thrown at me.
In my moments of observation, I have come to realize most people are the cause of their own stress and chaos. I have seen people struggle, work themselves out of tough situations, obtain stable, reliable, good paying jobs, just to self sabotage themselves. I truly believe there are people who are addicted to instability. I swear it. They will be winning, then find a way to mess that up. And this can go for careers, education, romantic relationships, marriages, friendships, etc. And whether they believe it or not, it’s something they do subconsciously. Some examples of such are:
- Getting a new job, then showing up late
- Having unprotected sex with someone you know you don’t want to be with
- Marrying someone, then entertaining another person
- Not following rules because you don’t want to, then getting mad when you’re reprimanded
- Getting a new job, then quitting because you decide you want to pursue something else
- Moving into a new place, then deciding you want to move to another city
- Buying a new car, then deciding to quit your job
- Finally getting a date with the person you wanted, just to complain about something frivolous
- Letting whatever comes to mind come out of your mouth
And this is just some of the things people do to create unnecessary stress and chaos in their lives. This does nothing but create overwhelming feelings that we all know we don’t know how to deal with in a healthy fashion, then it spirals into even more drama. And will then wonder why things always go so poorly for you. I will refrain from personal stories, just to protect the culprits, but it’s really sad. These may be close to extreme cases, but they are true stories. It’s no different then the cyclical toxicity that we see in our families and generational curses we are all so desperately trying to break. People get so used to the hustle and the struggle, being broke, and fighting, that they aren’t able to function in normalcy. They won’t even recognize when they’ve won. And this is not attractive for either sex, by the way. I’ll admit, I am guilty of ‘now what’ syndrome as I like to call it. It’s when you’ve gotten what you asked for, now what? This is the stage I am in now, but I have learned to be still and content in the unknown. I am not going to ruin what I have worked so hard for just because there’s nothing better to do.
People get so used to the hustle and the struggle, being broke and fighting, that they aren’t able to function in normalcy.
In some of your defenses, again, you don’t realize you do it. I challenge us all to look back over our lives and pinpoint the exact moment that we know we ‘F’ed’ up. Life is already full of enough chaos and unexpectedness. We must take accountability for the issues that we created in our own lives. And please understand that we all must certainly pay for each and every one of those poor choices at some point. Karma always comes back to collect. And everybody isn’t going to be willing to listen to the foolishness you consistently create for yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with peace. There is nothing wrong with having nothing to do. Chase maturity, chase stability, chase consistency. Learn to be still.
Namaste. -Sincerely Brittny